Log in

No account? Create an account
The Subjectivity Of Reality [entries|friends|calendar]
virginia woolf

[ website | t o u r e t t e s ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[05 Aug 2005|02:52pm]
and i am sitting here in my room debating life
and i dont want to be saved
and for the first time in my life i dont want to be loved
i simply want to be free

his hand running up my thigh
higher past my skirt
and as i turn it away
wanting nothing more - then him to leave
i look into his eyes
and its the scariest eyes i have ever seen
the fierceness

i look down at my body and i am disguisted
i am human
and i am sane

i am not an animal - and he never wanted anything more from me
then what i was willing to give
until i realized that it was too much
it was all for somebody else

all my wants and my desires were never truly mine

and i was confused and insaned by them never becoming reality

how can MY desires become reality - if there never really mine
they came from a part of my body - that was processed - made
rather than born
an aritificial streaming of wants - a product of coprution
the coruption i have wanted to inflict in my body

but have not fully taken up the oppurtunities
and i have sabotaged relationships
because the one man i truly love more than anything in the world
the one man that loved me more than my worth
wouldnt corupt me - but i wanted to be corupted - i wanted it so bad

and now my door has been opened - it was an aritificial want produced by my fear that was inflicted by society
and now i can never have him again

and i ask myself - am i ending up with the right regrets
and i dont want these tears to fall

but i cant help the truth

and as foggy as my world is now becoming
things are appearing much clearer
1 comment|post comment

[22 Jul 2005|01:32pm]
this has been an incredible week
definately one of the best this summer
actually the best

thanks steve j., ben r., nat, mat l., caroline s., just everyone for bein flippin awesome
post comment

[11 Jul 2005|11:37pm]
hard day

i miss him already

dylan - i will always love you

i guess it was time for a break
and i dont know how i am going to do it
post comment

[04 Jun 2005|12:34am]
im so happy to be home - but it doesnt feel like home
everything feels so distant
and i know people have moved on
its just hard
to come home when everybody has moved on without you
i feel lonely
1 comment|post comment

[28 May 2005|08:52pm]
3 comments|post comment

[16 May 2005|09:36am]
its been over two months
probably the hardest of my life

and now i have twelve more days - until i can return - to the life- that i love
the life that i took for granted
i can not wait until i see the faces that were once familiar

i feel as though i have lost myself
and i need to go home - to find it again
2 comments|post comment

[29 Mar 2005|09:06pm]
i want to be home
5 comments|post comment

[24 Mar 2005|06:17pm]
HEY GUYS!!! - i miss you guys sooooooo much

its pretty tough here - some aspects

and yes i am running track

ladies and gentlemen blake cole is now a sprinter/jumper.

yesterday i had a break down - today is a little bit better

i finally have a friend that i can turn to - his name is jack

my roomie jessica is pretty cool

a lot of the people in my dorm - were hardcore drug adicts
its really intense listening to somethings they have to go through

natalie has the phone number to my dorm - CALL ME!! - CALL ME!!

i havent had time to right - i am pretty doing something until 10:00 at night

i love you all so much - i hope lives are going well
13 comments|post comment

[18 Mar 2005|04:17pm]
2 comments|post comment

[14 Mar 2005|09:42pm]
im scared

so unbelievably scared

my first big decision

who gives a shit about firsts

its a huge decision

i just need to be reassured

i need the questions from everyone around me just to stop

i already get enough from myself

but they have the right to ask

everything is just so foreign to me right now

i have never been through this before

how can i have expectations

but the tears feel better then being numb

when will i know if this is right?

and what will i do if its not
3 comments|post comment

[13 Mar 2005|08:34pm]
this weekend... probably one of the best
1 comment|post comment

[08 Mar 2005|09:17pm]

respect our women

respect our rights

respect international women's day


2 comments|post comment

[03 Mar 2005|08:46pm]
TongaAllTheWay: fiona the butterfly
TongaAllTheWay: but upon arrival
TongaAllTheWay: of fiona's condo
TongaAllTheWay: she did not recognize him
TongaAllTheWay: for he had report card wings
TongaAllTheWay: and he said
TongaAllTheWay: fiona
TongaAllTheWay: it is i
TongaAllTheWay: alberticus
TongaAllTheWay: your true love forever
TongaAllTheWay: and she said
TongaAllTheWay: i don't believe it
TongaAllTheWay: and shut the door
TongaAllTheWay: and alberticus walked away
TongaAllTheWay: and came back that very night
TongaAllTheWay: and played their favorite song
TongaAllTheWay: don't cry for me argentina
TongaAllTheWay: and she knew it had to be alberticus
TongaAllTheWay: so alberticus and fiona were married that day
TongaAllTheWay: but the other butterflies weren't accepting of alberticus
TongaAllTheWay: they called him paperwings
TongaAllTheWay: and other horrid names
TongaAllTheWay: and so one night while listening to "don't cry for me argentina" in the condo
TongaAllTheWay: the evil butterflies set fire to their house
TongaAllTheWay: they ran to the balcony
TongaAllTheWay: fiona said
TongaAllTheWay: "fly with me, quick we must escape"
TongaAllTheWay: and alberticus said
TongaAllTheWay: "i would, but my wings are made of paper."
TongaAllTheWay: "but there is little loss. for the moment i returned to you. i know my butterfly life was complete. and though i shall parish in the flames of hatred, i will parish with a smile, for you have made me the happiest butterfly that ever dreamed of flight."
TongaAllTheWay: *knew
TongaAllTheWay: and fiona flew off into the sky, never to see her butterfly love again
TongaAllTheWay: the end
1 comment|post comment

[22 Feb 2005|09:32pm]

 a bit of a experiment




4 comments|post comment

[21 Feb 2005|08:58pm]

and wouldnt it be just magnificent - if we all had friendships like these

2 comments|post comment

[21 Feb 2005|08:57pm]

and maybe care just a little bit more

post comment

[21 Feb 2005|08:52pm]



only if we all could feel as free as him

post comment

[07 Feb 2005|06:28pm]
so i have some time to say goodbye - before i leave this place i call not quite right - but the place that is my home - the 19th of march is the date, that i get on that big airplane - to fly to that big little school in the far away land of maine

no, i want be gone forever - just for some time
and its funny because im going there to find myself - except the place is known as hyde

and i am happy to say - that im making a change
yet sad to see it actually - happen - change
7 comments|post comment

[06 Feb 2005|06:40pm]
2 comments|post comment

[31 Jan 2005|04:07pm]
it has been a rough day
6 comments|post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]