The Subjectivity Of Reality [entries|friends|calendar] virginia woolf [ website | t o u r e t t e s ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[05 Aug 2005|02:52pm] and i am sitting here in my room debating life and i dont want to be saved and for the first time in my life i dont want to be loved i simply want to be free his hand running up my thigh higher past my skirt and as i turn it away wanting nothing more - then him to leave i look into his eyes and its the scariest eyes i have ever seen the fierceness i look down at my body and i am disguisted i am human and i am sane i am not an animal - and he never wanted anything more from me then what i was willing to give until i realized that it was too much it was all for somebody else all my wants and my desires were never truly mine and i was confused and insaned by them never becoming reality how can MY desires become reality - if there never really mine they came from a part of my body - that was processed - made rather than born an aritificial streaming of wants - a product of coprution the coruption i have wanted to inflict in my body but have not fully taken up the oppurtunities and i have sabotaged relationships because the one man i truly love more than anything in the world the one man that loved me more than my worth wouldnt corupt me - but i wanted to be corupted - i wanted it so bad and now my door has been opened - it was an aritificial want produced by my fear that was inflicted by society and now i can never have him again and i ask myself - am i ending up with the right regrets and i dont want these tears to fall but i cant help the truth and as foggy as my world is now becoming things are appearing much clearer 1 comment|post comment

[22 Jul 2005|01:32pm] this has been an incredible week definately one of the best this summer actually the best thanks steve j., ben r., nat, mat l., caroline s., just everyone for bein flippin awesome post comment

[11 Jul 2005|11:37pm] hard day i miss him already dylan - i will always love you i guess it was time for a break and i dont know how i am going to do it post comment

[04 Jun 2005|12:34am] im so happy to be home - but it doesnt feel like home everything feels so distant and i know people have moved on but its just hard to come home when everybody has moved on without you i feel lonely 2 comments|post comment

[28 May 2005|08:52pm] IM FUCKING HOMEEEEEE 4 comments|post comment

[16 May 2005|09:36am] its been over two months probably the hardest of my life and now i have twelve more days - until i can return - to the life- that i love the life that i took for granted i can not wait until i see the faces that were once familiar i feel as though i have lost myself and i need to go home - to find it again 2 comments|post comment

[29 Mar 2005|09:06pm] i want to be home 5 comments|post comment

[24 Mar 2005|06:17pm] HEY GUYS!!! - i miss you guys sooooooo much its pretty tough here - some aspects and yes i am running track ladies and gentlemen blake cole is now a sprinter/jumper. yesterday i had a break down - today is a little bit better i finally have a friend that i can turn to - his name is jack my roomie jessica is pretty cool a lot of the people in my dorm - were hardcore drug adicts its really intense listening to somethings they have to go through natalie has the phone number to my dorm - CALL ME!! - CALL ME!! i havent had time to right - i am pretty doing something until 10:00 at night i love you all so much - i hope lives are going well 13 comments|post comment

[18 Mar 2005|04:17pm] 2 comments|post comment

[14 Mar 2005|09:42pm] im scared so unbelievably scared my first big decision who gives a shit about firsts its a huge decision i just need to be reassured i need the questions from everyone around me just to stop i already get enough from myself but they have the right to ask everything is just so foreign to me right now i have never been through this before how can i have expectations but the tears feel better then being numb when will i know if this is right? and what will i do if its not 3 comments|post comment

[13 Mar 2005|08:34pm] this weekend... probably one of the best 1 comment|post comment

[08 Mar 2005|09:17pm] respect our women respect our rights respect international women's day -represent- 2 comments|post comment

[03 Mar 2005|08:46pm] TongaAllTheWay: fiona the butterfly TongaAllTheWay: but upon arrival TongaAllTheWay: of fiona's condo TongaAllTheWay: she did not recognize him TongaAllTheWay: for he had report card wings TongaAllTheWay: and he said TongaAllTheWay: fiona TongaAllTheWay: it is i TongaAllTheWay: alberticus TongaAllTheWay: your true love forever TongaAllTheWay: and she said TongaAllTheWay: i don't believe it TongaAllTheWay: and shut the door TongaAllTheWay: and alberticus walked away TongaAllTheWay: and came back that very night TongaAllTheWay: and played their favorite song TongaAllTheWay: don't cry for me argentina TongaAllTheWay: and she knew it had to be alberticus TongaAllTheWay: so alberticus and fiona were married that day TongaAllTheWay: but the other butterflies weren't accepting of alberticus TongaAllTheWay: they called him paperwings TongaAllTheWay: and other horrid names TongaAllTheWay: and so one night while listening to "don't cry for me argentina" in the condo TongaAllTheWay: the evil butterflies set fire to their house TongaAllTheWay: they ran to the balcony TongaAllTheWay: fiona said TongaAllTheWay: "fly with me, quick we must escape" TongaAllTheWay: and alberticus said TongaAllTheWay: "i would, but my wings are made of paper." TongaAllTheWay: "but there is little loss. for the moment i returned to you. i know my butterfly life was complete. and though i shall parish in the flames of hatred, i will parish with a smile, for you have made me the happiest butterfly that ever dreamed of flight." TongaAllTheWay: *knew TongaAllTheWay: and fiona flew off into the sky, never to see her butterfly love again TongaAllTheWay: the end 1 comment|post comment

[22 Feb 2005|09:32pm]  a bit of a experiment       5 comments|post comment

[21 Feb 2005|08:58pm] and wouldnt it be just magnificent - if we all had friendships like these 2 comments|post comment

[21 Feb 2005|08:57pm] and maybe care just a little bit more post comment

[21 Feb 2005|08:52pm]     only if we all could feel as free as him 1 comment|post comment

[07 Feb 2005|06:28pm] so i have some time to say goodbye - before i leave this place i call not quite right - but the place that is my home - the 19th of march is the date, that i get on that big airplane - to fly to that big little school in the far away land of maine no, i want be gone forever - just for some time and its funny because im going there to find myself - except the place is known as hyde and i am happy to say - that im making a change yet sad to see it actually - happen - change 7 comments|post comment

[06 Feb 2005|06:40pm] hyde 2 comments|post comment

[31 Jan 2005|04:07pm] it has been a rough day 6 comments|post comment

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